Reviving the Flame

I see a precious flame of light that softly illuminates the room around it. I carry it out into the night sky and though it does not fully illuminate the blanket of darkness, it is visible and warm, radiant in its reach. Others raise their lights to the darkness and together the light turns the night to day. When we combine our flames the wild blaze creates the sun. Why then are there nights when the flames flicker and go dark one by one? What extinguishes the flame? Rain can douse it. The pinch of two quick fingers can snuff it out. The wind spreads the flame too thin and dissipates it to the point of dissolution. We often ask why our own internal fire struggles to burn while we focus on the wind and whim of others. I have little control over what is outside of me. I turn instead to what I’m starved of, what I can actively address for myself. The flame goes out when it’s in need of fuel and shelter. What is called for now to protect the beautiful light inside of each of us?

Fuel: Rest and Recovery:

Western Culture prides itself on taking a skill and over doing it. More is better. We say we need to rest, yet place great value on doing, even if productivity suffers. We compare ourselves all the time and social media magnifies this. Even though science has shown how vital it is to rest, we have deep pathways in our brain that tell us that it is weak. No one likes to watch a horse being whipped to continue racing forward to the point that it froths at the mouth and collapses. Why then do we internally whip ourselves around the track again and again? The candle flickers and goes out when we are too tired or too busy to tend to our flame and buffer it when needed.

Fuel: Bilateral Movement

As we work and strive all day we often do not move. We do not need to train for a triathlon, but our bodies heal and regulate themselves by evoking a side to side movement. Notice how we feel better after sleep with good REM cycles or how much clearer our minds feel after a walk. We also feel better when our hormones are regulated by a healthy amount of movement. It sends a message of worth that validates our right to take up space. Simply standing, stretching and attuning to the messages our body sends us is grounding. The candle flickers and burns out when it is deprived of the flow of oxygen.

Fuel: Connection

We are born needing to be touched and to feel connected. It supports the development and dignity of all our bodily systems. Healthy connections validate and soothe, encourage and give respite. Connections help us really see the world. We each have a different lens and perspective. Connections help us sort out our own identities as I see where you end and I begin. We hold joys and tragedies together. A candle flickers and burns out when there is no one making the wax or sharing the flame.

Shelter: A Home with Compassionate Presence

All we have is this moment of awareness. In the now we find our breath and own our experience. All too often because of the lack of rest and recovery and unsoothed trauma, our systems are caught up in a stress response, just trying to get us through to the next moment. We strive for the future or ruminate about the past. Yet our power is in the now. We can soothe ourselves and create new neural pathways to help us grow and feel content. Training ourselves to be present also helps us survive the detours that will come. We give ourselves a path home to ourselves and our own higher power or meaning, not to someone or something else. Our flame struggles amidst the choatic wind of perfectionism or trying to please others. Our internal voice is often aggressive or passive and full of judgment. We limit our self-compassion or completely shut it down. The candle flickers and burns out when we are starved of a loving home within ourselves.

Let’s step back and observe your flame. Watch it move and feel its glow. What is called for now to tend to your light? What small steps could honor your need for fuel and shelter? Let’s stop starving and embrace contentment, connection and compassion.